Reasons Why It's Great to Be a Guy

• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• Movie nudity is virtually always female.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• Monday Night Football.
• The bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
• When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
• A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
• You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
• You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.
• You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
• The garage is all yours.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
• The National College Cheerleading Championship.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Flowers fix everything.
• You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
• Three pair of shoes is more than enough.
• Justin Bieber doesn't live in your universe.
• Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
• Auto mechanics tell you the truth.
• You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking, "He must be mad at me."
• You get to jump up and slap stuff.
• One mood, all the time.
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
• You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
• You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
• Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
• Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
• You don't mooch off others' desserts.
• If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
• The remote is yours and yours alone.
• ESPN's Sports Center.
• Bachelor parties rule over bridal showers.
• You don't need to pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
• Baywatch.
• There is always a game on somewhere.

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