Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Married life is very frustrating:
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"